I’ve been having a real problem lately with making travel plans. We’re technically on a student’s budget for the next few years but we also have a significant (to me) amount of savings from the premature death of my father. He died at the age of 54 to lung cancer, gone 6 short weeks after getting diagnosed, and his death affected me greatly. At first I told myself I would use this inheritance frugally, trying my best to stretch it out over my lifetime. However over the past few months I’ve been reflecting on my father’s death and am now considering spending the money much sooner than that. After all, he worked his entire life to save money that he never got to spend on himself. His death has been a painful yet enlightening lesson for me about the brevity of life. Nothing helps one appreciate life more than death. Nothing makes one think more about living life to the fullest than losing a loved one.
Still, every time I consider spending this money I feel incredibly guilty. What if we need this money 10 years down the road? Is spending this money on travel a foolish decision, despite the fact that travel makes us happy? Am I making poor choices?
Perhaps I overthink my decisions too much. Perhaps I worry too much about being judged by family and friends by my spending. Some days I feel so impulsive yet so regretful the day after. I wish I knew how to embrace spontaneity a little more and let go of the the feelings of regret. I wish I knew how to stop worrying so much about the future and live more in the present. It’s definitely something I need to work on this year.